I’d tell you that I’m turning over a new leaf, but it’s the same damned leaf I’ve been turning and turning for years now.
Every morning I turn it over.
And every day, usually by about 10AM, the breeze of refusal blows it right back to the other side.
Sometimes, things just refuse to change. And this is okay, except when you really can’t stand the thing that won’t budge.
I’m in that situation, and I KNOW that the first and only thing to do is acceptance. But I don’t wanna.
I want things to be different.
That’s what I really want.
Now, I don’t mean to be mysterious about this whole “thing,” but sometimes it’s better for all parties involved if I just keep some details to myself.
Besides you can get the point without having all the points pointing you to where I’m going.
I know you’re intuitive enough to handle that.
Plus, I’m guessing that more than a few of you are in situations that also refuse to budge.
So, it’s the morning again. I turned the leaf over, and for now, it’s still on the “right side,” but it’s not 10AM yet.
And soon enough, I’ll forget to remember not to forget to remember that I really want that leaf to stay right where it is.
And so enters POWERLESSNESS.
Yep, that’s what this is all about.
By myself, I am nothing. I am literally NO THING.
Leaf turning, as it turns out, is all about Grace. And so this morning, I ask for the Grace to take care of myself. And remember not to forget to remember what that care is supposed to look like.
If you are frustrated, if you keep getting stuck getting stuck over this or that thing, I feel for you, love. In general, I’m pretty good at helping you move off of that dime and turn that leaf over and keep it there.
(Insert two or three more tacky metaphors. Cause tacky metaphors will do when logic won’t.)
Anyway, that there is my Monday musing for today.
And I’m keeping a watch on that leaf.
So far, so good.
photo: flickr, Don O’Brien