Why do so many women feel inadequate?
This week, in working with my brilliant coaching clients, I noticed a trend: at least half of them mentioned feeling tired all the time.
Okay, so being tired causes some complications in life.
But the concern wasn’t just that they were tired. It’s that they had made all kinds of really cutting self-judgments because they were simply tired.
“I’m so lazy.”
“I’m never going to amount to much.”
“I’m all washed up.”
After the third or fourth conversation, I started to wonder about medical research and women over 45. If studying peri- and post-menopausal women were a priority, would we find out that feeling tired was simply part of the enormous hormone changes going on right now?
In other words, if you’re tired, it’s not your fault, it’s just your body changing.
When we have negative self-talk, it’s generally not our feelings that get us into trouble.
It’s our feelings about our feelings.
In other words, it’s our judgments.
So, let’s imagine a world where a woman is taught to expect certain changes in her body and stamina as normative and that society adjusted to fit OUR reality.
What if the world shifted in its perception of women over 45? What if were seen as the vital, vibrant, capable, compassionate women we have become and the self-care choices we needed to make at this stage in our lives was simply accepted and encouraged?
What if needing a nap, or a spa day, or a weekend retreat were just assumed to be part of the midlife equation?
What is we just gave ourselves these things without self-condemnation but with the understanding that our changing chemistry required new levels of care. What if we simply tended to ourselves like we have been tending to everyone else for decades?
What if we suspended all self-judgment and just took positive actions on our own behalf?
Maybe we, as a community, could give that a shot. Maybe we could be the wise foremothers who “get it” and simply do what is needed without all the drama.
Maybe we could be the Change Agents who started a trend toward strategic and loving self-care – without all the baggage attached.
I would really dig that.