I Got Nothing!

I took the past week off to spend with family. It was a strategic exit from the minute-to-minute world of an Internet business. I needed the break and I especially needed the concentrated time with my family. The mistake I made was that I kept checking in with the damn Internet just to see what was going on while I was out.


And then, MY MIND started to play tricks on me.


It said,

1.I’m falling behind.

2.Everyone else’s ideas are better than mine.

3.What the Fluck were you thinking quitting your job?






And then the New Year’s crap started.




Right now, the internet is abuzz with pithy pieces about how to set your life in order. So, since my mind was already up to speed on self-sabotage, it told me I had to come up with a “fresh angle” to take on the whole New Year’s Eve spin cycle.


The more I searched my heart for something “fresh” to write for you, the more desolate I became.




Until I accepted the truth.


After ten days of sweating it out – here’s what comes to me:








Here’s why: I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. More than that – my LIVING EXPERIENCE is that making a New Year’s Resolution is the SUREST way to set yourself up for failure.








Oh, sure there is the outlier who is going to lose a hundred pounds or run a marathon by March. But – the vast majority of folks who start January off with ridiculously high hopes that silently promise that “this time will be different” – most of those folks will be in the Christmas cookies within 10 days.


But worse than the Christmas cookie binge, is the breaking of trust with self. New Year’s Resolutions are particularly destructive, because of the appearance that everyone ELSE is succeeding – except YOU!




Every time you break trust with yourself, you add a little more evidence to the belief that you are not trustworthy. And if you’re not trustworthy, are you worthy of anything?


And, if you’re not worthy of anything, than you might as well stay small and hopeless.


Because, what’s the use anyway? I mean, after all, EVERYONE ELSE is doing great things. But you? You can’t even lose a thousand pounds by Valentine’s Day.


And since you suck, you might as well fall into a box of donuts. Because that’s what unworthy hopeless sad asses do.




New Year’s Resolutions are the SUREST way to hurt yourself. So refuse to listen to the hype.




If you want to change your life – or some small piece of it – you don’t need a socially constructed season of change. All you need is an itty bitty decision. Start rebuilding trust with yourself by making failure impossible.


Instead of RESOLVING to lose a hundred pounds by February, decide to lose two. And then, when you get those two pounds off, get a manicure and decide to lose another two. After those two are gone, get a pedicure, and ask for another two.




Before you know it, you’re down a dress size and are glowing from the spa treats.




And even better than the thinner thighs is the growing belief in yourself.


And, since you believe in yourself, why not decide that THIS TIME you really DO want to do something about that dead-end job you are in? But, instead of deciding to have something new in place by next week, why not just spend 10 minutes on the Internet exploring your options. And after you meet that totally attainable goal, why not sign up for an appointment with a career counselor? Or register for a class at your local community college?




Do you see what we’re doing here? We are rethinking the way we set goals for ourselves. We are abandoning “all or nothing” thinking and setting ourselves up for success rather than failure. Since we have “resolved” to take baby steps toward our dreams, falling off the wagon is immaterial. Because the wagon is moving so slowly we can just hop right back on.




But here’s what else you do when you abandon lofty goals – you are also making yourself TRULY responsible for your own success. If you reduce the scope of possibility to something that MUST ACTUALLY HAPPEN, you are also making yourself responsible for actually DOING something to improve your life. And therefore, you MUST abandon your excuses for staying stuck.




Essentially, by RESOLVING NOT TO RESOLVE, we are putting our Big Girl Panties on and taking responsibility for ALL OUR CHOICES. We can no longer throw up our hands and gnash our teeth at our seeming failure to move forward, because we have made not moving forward an impossibility. Soon enough, we are going to see what we’re really made of. We are going to see EXACTLY how much we believe in ourselves and our future.




So, if you have to resolve for SOMETHING this season, why not resolve to learn what a RED CARPET life feels like. Why not resolve to get comfortable being outrageously hot and happy this year? Because, I PROMISE you that this method of making failure impossible is GOING to WORK.




And when we check in with each other at next year’s arbitrary season of change, our lives are going to look a whole lot different than they do today. And, more importantly, we will have enjoyed the process.




Love, Jennifer


Photo: Flickr, z287marc



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16 Responses to I Got Nothing!

  1. Bill says:

    I agree with you Jennifer instead of making those very big goals just take a little bite at a time and before you know it you have ate the whole thing. Very good advice i have lived by this for a long time. Like the old saying goes, Nothing to it but to do it. Have a great week. BTW i got here by the Ultimate Blog Challenge. :-)

  2. Angela says:

    Awesome :) I love the way you think! I remember hearing that comment about “putting on your big girl panties” while I was working in direct sales, I can’t remember which company I was working with at the time, but it stuck with me and I have mentioned it several times since. Thanks for the smile.

    This year my saying is “Happiness is a choice not an emotion” This has helped me already and I will be keeping it in the fore front of my mind throughout the year.

    Thanks Again.

  3. Erika says:

    Hahahaha- box of donuts!!! It’s funny ’cause it’s true! I agree, all the new year-new you hype is a recipe for agita. Thanks for helping me lighten up in 2012!

    • Jennifer says:

      I did have a Big Mac already this year, Erika. But it’s OKAY, because I DIDN’T resolve to lose that thousand pounds. Ha! Jennifer

  4. Laurie says:

    See, you had something!! Whenever someone tells me to put on my big girl panties, I always say no, I like my pull-ups. Mainly to be funny, but also because I do things at my own pace and, just like potty training children, no one can rush me. I do make resolutions, but I also make mini ones. Just like your idea of the weight loss. My goal is 30 pounds, but I look at it as one at a time. Just like building a business, or fighting an addiction, everything has steps to take. I don’t look at the top of the staircase, I look at the step right in front of me. Hope you have a great new year and I look forward to reading more from you this year…you make me smile!

  5. Madonna says:

    I loved the notion of the red carpet. You are so right about resolutions. Most of us set ourselves up for failure by making the goals too big. Baby steps, I say. Good post Jennifer.

    • Jennifer says:

      Thanks, Madonna! I wish someone had clued me in a couple of decades back. Or, maybe they did, but I just didn’t hear it. Jennifer

  6. Elise says:

    My post on fb yesterday was- 2012 Resolution: Eat more BBQ.

    :D Happy New Year Jennifer!

  7. Kesha Brown says:

    I don’t make/believe in resolutions either…haven’t for years so I’m really loving this post. More people need to read this and I’ll do my part to share it! :-)

    So with my big panties on, I say happy new year and here’s to a fantabulous and awesome 2012 sistah! :-)


  8. helen bogun says:

    skipped new years resolution 2012 already in 2001 ;D

    no i am not a big fan of those resolutions either, and interestingly most female resolutions deal with weight loss – that scares me.

    resolutions are a pathway to hell, since they tend to put you done and than the guys with the hammer and the strange words whispering into your ear “you are weird, you are not able to stick to a resolution … ” they really will posion my life and i don.t want that.

    so this year i have found my major value “independence” and that.s what i am going to stick to – but that doesn.t mean being independent from the fridge :P.
    i just want to be more me, and follow my path!
    love helen xx

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