I took the past week off to spend with family. It was a strategic exit from the minute-to-minute world of an Internet business. I needed the break and I especially needed the concentrated time with my family. The mistake I made was that I kept checking in with the damn Internet just to see what was going on while I was out.
And then, MY MIND started to play tricks on me.
1.I’m falling behind.
2.Everyone else’s ideas are better than mine.
3.What the Fluck were you thinking quitting your job?
And then the New Year’s crap started.
Right now, the internet is abuzz with pithy pieces about how to set your life in order. So, since my mind was already up to speed on self-sabotage, it told me I had to come up with a “fresh angle” to take on the whole New Year’s Eve spin cycle.
The more I searched my heart for something “fresh” to write for you, the more desolate I became.
Until I accepted the truth.
After ten days of sweating it out – here’s what comes to me:
I GOT NOTHING.
Here’s why: I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. More than that – my LIVING EXPERIENCE is that making a New Year’s Resolution is the SUREST way to set yourself up for failure.
Because, THEY DON’T WORK.
Oh, sure there is the outlier who is going to lose a hundred pounds or run a marathon by March. But – the vast majority of folks who start January off with ridiculously high hopes that silently promise that “this time will be different” – most of those folks will be in the Christmas cookies within 10 days.
But worse than the Christmas cookie binge, is the breaking of trust with self. New Year’s Resolutions are particularly destructive, because of the appearance that everyone ELSE is succeeding – except YOU!
Every time you break trust with yourself, you add a little more evidence to the belief that you are not trustworthy. And if you’re not trustworthy, are you worthy of anything?
And, if you’re not worthy of anything, than you might as well stay small and hopeless.
Because, what’s the use anyway? I mean, after all, EVERYONE ELSE is doing great things. But you? You can’t even lose a thousand pounds by Valentine’s Day.
And since you suck, you might as well fall into a box of donuts. Because that’s what unworthy hopeless sad asses do.
New Year’s Resolutions are the SUREST way to hurt yourself. So refuse to listen to the hype.
If you want to change your life – or some small piece of it – you don’t need a socially constructed season of change. All you need is an itty bitty decision. Start rebuilding trust with yourself by making failure impossible.
Instead of RESOLVING to lose a hundred pounds by February, decide to lose two. And then, when you get those two pounds off, get a manicure and decide to lose another two. After those two are gone, get a pedicure, and ask for another two.
Before you know it, you’re down a dress size and are glowing from the spa treats.
And even better than the thinner thighs is the growing belief in yourself.
And, since you believe in yourself, why not decide that THIS TIME you really DO want to do something about that dead-end job you are in? But, instead of deciding to have something new in place by next week, why not just spend 10 minutes on the Internet exploring your options. And after you meet that totally attainable goal, why not sign up for an appointment with a career counselor? Or register for a class at your local community college?
Do you see what we’re doing here? We are rethinking the way we set goals for ourselves. We are abandoning “all or nothing” thinking and setting ourselves up for success rather than failure. Since we have “resolved” to take baby steps toward our dreams, falling off the wagon is immaterial. Because the wagon is moving so slowly we can just hop right back on.
But here’s what else you do when you abandon lofty goals – you are also making yourself TRULY responsible for your own success. If you reduce the scope of possibility to something that MUST ACTUALLY HAPPEN, you are also making yourself responsible for actually DOING something to improve your life. And therefore, you MUST abandon your excuses for staying stuck.
Essentially, by RESOLVING NOT TO RESOLVE, we are putting our Big Girl Panties on and taking responsibility for ALL OUR CHOICES. We can no longer throw up our hands and gnash our teeth at our seeming failure to move forward, because we have made not moving forward an impossibility. Soon enough, we are going to see what we’re really made of. We are going to see EXACTLY how much we believe in ourselves and our future.
So, if you have to resolve for SOMETHING this season, why not resolve to learn what a RED CARPET life feels like. Why not resolve to get comfortable being outrageously hot and happy this year? Because, I PROMISE you that this method of making failure impossible is GOING to WORK.
And when we check in with each other at next year’s arbitrary season of change, our lives are going to look a whole lot different than they do today. And, more importantly, we will have enjoyed the process.
Photo: Flickr, z287marc