Today, our talk is about fear. Because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid for all sorts of reasons, but at the heart of each is self-doubt. And it’s absolutely right, in the face of really really tough things to have self-doubt.
When I have self-doubt, it’s because the thing I’m afraid of is bigger than I am.
And so, what I really need, at times like these, is not to be free of fear.
It’s to grow larger in my faith.
How much space do you leave in your life for magic? For grace?
When I was younger, I left absolutely none. It was full on self-reliance for me for many, many years.
But then I discovered something surprising about myself. My fancied self-sufficiency isn’t sustainable. I can’t “bring game” like I used to when it comes to haranguing myself into performing.
When I was a kid, I could go to the practice room (I’m a flautist) and hammer out scales, arpeggios, etudes and sonatas for 10 hours or more a day.
Now, I know that’s not even effective practicing. That’s just triple-tonguing your way through life so you can’t here the little fear voices in your head.
Here’s what mine say:
“You’re not enough.”
“You’re just a phony.”
“Pretty soon everyone is going to find that out.”
“Better work harder.”
“Oh, did you hear that missed note, intonation problem, inconsistent rhythm pattern? That must be because …”
“You’re not enough.”
And there you have a perfectly closed loop that leads nowhere good.
But here’s the thing, Sweet Cheeks, when I share my silly little private thinking peccadillo with you, it stills those voices. I can drop the lash and embrace you instead.
The only way out is through, love. But we don’t have to “go through” it alone.
Your fear, your s_c_a_r_e_d voice is really just your S_A_C_R_E_D self calling you home to yourself.
Go ahead and listen to that negative voice, thank it for sharing, and then lift your heart to your Truth – YOUR GREAT CALLING.
EVERYONE here at LAT is your soul sister in this journey. Please let us know, in the Wisdom Circle space below, how we can support you. (I’m not kidding.)
Thank you for walking this beautiful walk with me today.
Blessed be. Namaste.
Yours in Love and Service,
Jennifer Boykin
Photo: Flickr, dvs
Love the blog today. Those fears are ones that I think each of us have and if we don’t know we will.
Thank you, Shawn. It’s been kicking my a$$ for sure, for sure!
If you let your fears take over, the change is no longer a temporary dyslexic moment, but a permanent extension, a stutter that is more difficult to treat the next time…Instead of sacred replaced by scared, you find yourself scarred…
awesome!!!!!!!!! especially, “scarred.”
Just the words I needed this morning.
It’s weirdly comforting that other women use the same stall tactics that I implement.
I research and study inside and out, up and down before I can start in a new and exciting direction – too afraid to just step off the cliff.
Thanks for the push!
And when we do jump off, we find one of two things happens:
1. We are caught in the palm of grace.
or,
2. We grow wings and fly.
I have been stuck in a “stutter” alone for 15 yrs. A widow raising 3 daughters, I am afraid of soo many things. I have struggled for so long it feels like I am stuck. Paralyzed !! I feel “scarred”, damaged beyond repair. I was damaged as a child and have always felt this. I have come a long way since my husbands death but my twins will be leaving for college after the next school yr.(oldest left last yr). Life will change again dramatically. I am trying to embrace this but fear is nagging the crap out of me. I have the support of a therapist but it is soo hard for me to form close bonds anymore. Even though I have a few close friends and belong to a church, I’m struggling !!
Although I was married, I sure felt like a widow and alone with my kids growing up and stuck. My now ex-husband was an alcoholic and completely consumed with himself. I spent my life playing referee at home so had no time for myself — I kept the kids close to avoid confrontation my husband. Taking baby steps after my divorce and regaining a sense of who I was helped a lot, but I too am still scared. I had a couple of friends who were single/alone and we took the time to do things together. We trusted each other and it helped me learn “me” again. Doubt still creeps in, but I recognize it now (sometimes sooner than later) and work to banish it. We’re only stuck if we don’t take some kind of action — dig in and find your faith (in yourself and your Creator). He does carry us when we need a break and just can’t walk another step.
How lovely that we have such a generous community here at LAT that we each chip in to help the other. Thank you both!
Sending love. Strength is the “spiritual booby prize” of being the “good one.” Take little joy breaks and work to grow them into a connected stream of loving actions. And come back. Did you sign up for updates?
I signed up for updates and after my last post, I ended up finding the extreme care article. Very helpful.
Thank you all for what you do.
again … you know what i need … as so often before
today i need hugs all day … coz i feel helpless and alone.
i know that i am good enough but certain organizations in my country want to make me believe that i should be afraid, that i am not good enough, that i don.t deserve my chance in life … this costs me so much energy to fight them back … energy i need for setting up life and existence and finding the magic again .
“To thine own self be true,” love. You’re doing it.
I need someone to tell me what I’m going to be when I grow-up
Who says you have to?
Hey, sweet pea. I happen to specialize in helping women find clarity. http://www.lifeaftertampons.com/work-with-jen/. I’d love to help!
Oh, lovey. You’re already there. Still waiting for you to call.
Thanks for this message just in time! Sacred instead of scared. Exactly what I needed. It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone in this. LAT sisters, I’m sending a virtual hug your way.
Sweet Pea, you are SO not alone!! Did you sign up for updates?
Was just thinking earlier about believing and dreaming — guess the universe is telling a lot of us the same thing. Do so know the feeling of trying to decide what to be when I grow up. Kind of came to the conclusion that my “role or purpose” changes and that growing up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be — something about it means we need to get serious and that takes all the fun out of it. Growing up has come to mean simply being a responsible, productive member of society (keeping bills paid) … but I don’t have to be uber-serious about life and can still be silly and have fun. My current paid employment has also really taught me that I can mesh my interests (ag/farm background, office management, data entry, social media). I still want to be self-employed … but for now, this works.
I don’t that we have to “grow up” either. BUT, it is true that there are more years behind us than ahead of us, and that makes the price of apathy pretty expensive. It sounds like you’ve made beautiful peace with where you are right now. Lovely!
Today I gotta wonder what is “me” and what is “hormones”….peri-menopause sucks. I feel so defeated when I just wake up feeling like crap…
Be extra kind to yourself. really really. extra extra kind.
wow have you ever hit the nail on the head with this one…
Frozen in time with this one…. gotta work on the faith I guess.
Second guessing myself as to what to head towards… can’t seem to pinpoint a dream… still lots to do here.
no confidence.
I hear you. Start small. Ensure your success. Build from there. and Keep coming back. Did you sign up for updates? We have lots of confidence-building posts here as well as our Facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/LifeAfterTampons
Take one baby step. see how you like it and if it feels like it’s in the right direction. then, take another. make sure you sign up for updates, because we give lots of other tools here. and at our facebook page, https://www.facebook.com/LifeAfterTampons
Over the years being a wife and mother, I lost ‘me’ and lost all confidence in myself. I believed the ‘voices’ that told me, “you can’t…..”, “you don’t……”. I became paralysed by inner fears and trapped in a prison of my own making.
I started challenging the fears and discovered that fear is a liar. I have found a wonderful Kinesiologist who is helping me with my anxiety. It’s baby steps and is taking time, but I am winning this slowly.
Blessings and Hugs to you all ♥♥♥
I hear you, love. Did you sign up for updates? There’s really terrific eRetreat called “Reclaim the Sass” that might help.
Thanks Jennifer – Yes, I did sign up for updates and downloaded the eRetreat to my iPad, and totally forgot it. Thanks for reminding me
I love this post and the pic as well! Awesome!
Sometimes ya just gotta embrace the fear, and keep going. . .
Yep. Embracing over here. Thanks, love. (I hope you signed up for updates!)
“just tell the negative commitee that meets inside your head to sit down and SHUT UP”!!!!
Quote from Ann Bradford