I’ve never been much of a sleeper.
I’ve always sort of hated “wasting my life” on bodily functions.
I’m not kidding. In 7th grade I calculated how many years a lifetime of sleep and personal hygiene was going to “cost me.” I was really really BEREFT when I realized I would LOSE DECADES of my life just keeping this damned body alive!!!!
My poor mother reports that, when I was really small, she would just put me to bed with a stack of books and beg me to stay put so she could get some rest.
Like everyone else, I “pulled all-nighters” in college. I loved creating and learning stuff while the rest of the world slept.
But then the babies started coming and, I have to say, I lost my relish for middle of the night activities.
Basically, these days, insomnia is KICKING MY ASS!
I know I’m not alone with this problem. Many of you have shared with me your bedtime stories of woe. Stress, care-giving, and shifts in hormones can all wreak havoc on a mid-life woman’s ability to get a good night’s sleep.
Most of us can still function with a night or two of sleeplessness. I know that I seem to be able to “keep on keeping on” for a while with disrupted sleep.
But then it’s like an alarm goes off in my body. The consequences of chronic sleep deprivation descend all at once. And then, BOOM! Five seconds later, either the world is coming to an end or else I want to open an artery or something – mine or someone else’s.
I have six sons and one husband. Truly truly, my life is like some Orwellian version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. In our version, though we still have seven players, they take turns playing just three roles — Dopey and Grumpy and Sleepy (That last one really chaps my butt when my insomnia flares, too. My teenagers can sleep anywhere and all day long.)
What I wouldn’t give for a Happy or Bashful.
But I digress.
Because I’m exhausted.
This week, this Snow White is playing the role of Sleepy.
I wish that damned witch would hurry up and get here with the poisoned apple so I can get some sleep!
Here’s how the whole thing would go down:
I’m gazing down into the Wishing Well. Cue the music:
Snow White Jen: I’m wishing –
Echo: I’m wishing –
Snow White Jen: For the one I love . . .
Echo: For the one I love . . .
Snow White Jen: To find me –
Echo: To find me –
Snow White Jen: Today!
After the middle age Hag of My Salvation brought me that poisoned apple, I’d fall into the deepest most delicious sleep ever! Chores would be a thing of the past. Those needy-ass dwarves would have to get their own damn supper.
Then, they’d let me rest in some gorgeous glass room like a conservatory or something (but the sun wouldn’t wake me – no sirree!) and there would be flowers everywhere and then all the birds and forest creatures would hold vigil.
Oh yeah, and then some damned prince would come and kiss me and I’d wake up and probably shout at the poor unsuspecting guy, “What the fluck! Can’t you see I’m sleeping?”
Photo: Flickr, torbakhopper