Why I’m Selling My House. Hint: As Crazy as This May Sound, It’s About Beautiful You!!!

I’m Selling My House for YOU!!

Do your insides match your outsides?

In other words, are you living your life in accordance with your beliefs?

For some time now, to a greater or lesser extent, I would have had to answer, “Nope, not completely.”

There are some areas of my life where fear can still have its way with me.

Generally, this happens with issues related to money.

When I look a little deeper, though, I see that, for the most part, money fears are never really about money anyway.

Money stuff is really about safety.

Which isn’t really about safety at all.

Safety is about loneliness.

Which isn’t really about loneliness at all.

Loneliness is about abandonment.

Which isn’t really about abandonment at all.

Abandonment is about fear. And fear is lack of trust.

But I even misdiagnosed this one!  I used to think that my trust issue was related to faith — it meant that I didn’t trust my Higher Power. But then I discovered that wasn’t quite right.

I trust HP.

It’s me I don’t trust.

Oh, my that’s hard to say. Plus, it’s not even logical. Why wouldn’t I trust myself? When I look back on my life, what I see is my own beautiful self responding, rebuilding, rising . . . rising . . . rising . . . .

I always rise. Except that one time that I decided it was more strategic to stay down.

But, it turned out, I was right about that, too.

So, I can trust myself.

So, here goes . . .

I’m taking a big risk. I’ve decided to put my money where my midlife mojo mouth is.

Literally.

I’m selling the big house I’ve lived in for nearly 24 years and moving to a lakeside community in the country. We are significantly downsizing our lives — not just expenses, but also traffic, busy-ness, distractions, noise – well, everything.

Why is this a risk?  Because it affects other people.  My children will have to change their schools.  They will leave the only home they have ever had.  They have had the same circle of friends since they were in preschool!

I’ve been afraid to disrupt that.

My mother’s none too happy with me either.

And, we’re leaving a world-class school system and one of the few financially stable areas of this country to live in a small, bucolic, somewhat rural area.

Here’s why – For a LONG time now, I’ve wanted to live somewhere quieter.  Stiller.  Less over-achieving and hyper stimulated.  Then, I married The Italian, and that’s the life he wants, too.

We both work from home now.  So there’s no professional reason we need to be so close to the city.  (Unless, of course, he loses his job — oooooh, there’s that fear again!)

My fears have kept me stuck in a life that I didn’t want.

But, beyond that, like many of you, I thought making a choice like this — one that “only” makes me and my husband happy — was a “selfish” decision.  What right did I have to disrupt the children’s lives?

Nevermind that the anxiety from keeping all this afloat is starting to affect my health.

“Suck it up, girlfriend.”  I’ve been telling myself that for YEARS.

Like many of you, I didn’t believe that my own happiness mattered.  Even though I’ve been dying on the vine, spiritually, my own unhappiness was “worth it” if the children got what they needed.

Right?

And so, I didn’t act.  I settled.  I got pedicures and went to lunch with friends.  I worked hard and distracted myself and told myself I wasn’t really all that unhappy anyway.

And, besides, EVERYBODY stresses about bills and traffic and busy-ness, right?

Nope, Jennifer Ann.  They really, really don’t.

So, I’m taking a turn in my own life.  And this time, it’s a really REALLY big turn.  I’m matching my outsides to my insides.  I’m claiming personal alignment, integrity, and beautiful JOY for the one and only Miss Jennifer Ann Boykin!

Plus, there’s BEAUTIFUL YOU!!!!!

I’ve decided that, other than my family, being with you is the only action I want to take.  In fact, writing for you, serving you, helping you is the SINGLE MOST important work I’ve ever done, besides raise those three amazing stinky back-talking boys.

I want to build our Life After Tampons community until these two CRITICAL things happen:

1. We are the penultimate resource for ANY woman who wants to take a shot at her own life. At LAT she will find the tools, resources, humor, hope, fun, and compassionate accountability she needs.

2. AND – this is a BIG ONE – I want to completely REBRAND the idea of women and aging. Truly, we’re hot. And not just FLASHING. Think about it — The world doesn’t need another Think Tank or Brain Trust. But we do need a WISDOM TRUST. (click to tweet)

And that’s what I want Life After Tampons to be. Those two things.

Or, as my friend Karen Wright says, “This is the place where fear goes to die.”

Life After Tampons is a community where wisdom gathers, passion mounts, momentum builds — and builds – and builds. Until, ultimately, our individual and collective wisdom overflows into our respective homes, neighborhoods, communities, and nations.

We change lives. Because we can. Because we can. Because we can.

You heard that, right?

We can. YOU can.

So that’s what I see for us.

I haven’t found any other gathering place for smart, sassy, compassionate, and achieving women in their middle years. So I created one.

And now I’m going all in.

I’m selling my house where I’ve raised my babies. I’m moving to the country – a writer’s aerie even, because my heart says I want a simpler life with my husband and our boys.  And because I’m fully committing to building this place for us.

Plus, my personal integrity tells me that it’s really important to live the principles of what I’m writing about here.  In other words, if you’re a professional Change Agent for women at midlife, you can’t very well run away from making the decisions YOU need to make for yourself, right?

So, I’m doing it, girl!!!

Are you in?

What’s your personal Life After Tampons vision for your own life? Claim it, baby. Right now. In the Wisdom Circle comments below.

Love, Your ALL IN Soul Sister,

Jennifer

P.S.  As Barbara Sher wrote, “It’s only too late if you don’t start now!”  Sign up here for your own life (and LAT updates.)  It’s time.  Quit your bitching.  Change your life.

 

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68 Responses to Why I’m Selling My House. Hint: As Crazy as This May Sound, It’s About Beautiful You!!!

  1. Debbie says:

    Good luck. It is always exciting to make changes even though it is stressful and scary at the same time. My husband and I just moved back to my hometown after being away for 38 years. I had several opportunities to move back before now, but the time wasn’t right. You know in your heart of hearts when the change you make is the right one. Enjoy your new home…

  2. Beth says:

    BRAVO for you!! I know how hard it is to come to that decision (my husband and I are also looking to move from our house of 22 years). As exciting as it is to look for a new place farther out, it’s also so scary to leave the familiar. When panic sets in, my mantra is “live life fearlessly!”

  3. Didi says:

    i have 2 boys that grew up in the US and after loosing my job in 2009 i decided to move back to my home country with 2 boys that were tiny when we left so do not really know this place and 2 rescued dogs that i didn’t have the heart to leave. It is the best decision I have made – we are fine, flourishing, working, I started my own business working from home and the boys are happy and have made friends. You may be doing your boys a favor by forcing them out of their comfort zone somewhat. You go girl – you give a lot of us courage to go on and take bold steps and I am sure this will turn out to be a good decision for you too.

  4. Julie says:

    Exciting news! Good luck to all of you. Never easy to leave the familiar. However, sometimes familiar settings can make us feel stuck. I love your blog. Thank you for the inspiration and for daring us to be great and ourselves.

    Julie from Ottawa, Canada

  5. Donna Frost says:

    I took a leap of faith and moved to a little town north of where I was living, as God opened the door for this house. It has been a challenge for my son (he bought it with me) and I but God is on the throne and never leaves us or forsakes us. The little fixer uppers became overwhelmingly big ones and money was tight to begin with. But we keep hanging in there and I see God moving in wonderful ways in our behalf. If we keep in our hearts and minds that HE will NEVER leave or forsake us, it helps diminish the fear that comes at us. I would not step out of my comfort zone with out my Heavenly Father there to walk with me!!! I also see a lot of good things coming out of all this, so it has been worth the ride we are on!!! Let me encourage all of you to GO GIRL!!!! But don’t leave God behind….let Him guide your way!!!

  6. Jane London says:

    So timely! In May, I impetuously bought a 10 acre farm in Northern Michigan, despite the fact that my job and current life is in Colorado. My husband and I have our CO house on the market and I’m freaking out about this transitional period. Like you, “money” worries haunt me and yes, it’s about security and control. I have a successful and lucrative career as a radio host in my current life and I’m feeling a lot of trepidation about walking away from that.

    Think of all the people who are dying for a great job and here’s me, leaving mine on my own terms! The arrogance!:)

    But, our dream has been a simple life of self-sufficiency and you can’t talk the talk, until you commit to walk the walk.

    So, here we go!

    Right there with you, Jen; we’ll walk the tightrope together.

    Jane

  7. theresa says:

    You KNOW how I feel about the “all in” thing! Good things come to those who ACT. Go forward. Thrive.

  8. Kelly says:

    Funny timing on your column today. I am in the same place…selling the house, knowing I cannot go back, wishing to be free of the obligations and costs that the house requires but afraid. I guess we can just hold our breath and jump. I have done this before and it worked out fine so…you would think that previous experience would give me confidence…but no. Here’s the thing though. I have an inextinguishable desire to travel slow and longer so that overcomes the need to stay in this high maintenance home. So sad goodbyes but optimistic hellos too.

  9. Pam says:

    Woohoo for you! Looking forward to reading about your new adventure. It will all work out just fine. Can’t wait for your posts on integrity. Without integrity, nothing matters much.

  10. Deborah says:

    Congratulations on listening (to yourself) and leaping. In moving past fear one often finds exhilaration. Your excitement is bubbly!

    Downsizing can be highly emotional, challenging and uncomfortable. It’s a very personal experience. Separating our lives from our possessions, the breaking of these bonds of security that so many of us hold tight can be dramatic. For others it’s an easy stroll down memory lane before making the turn into the future.

    Wishing you the Best!

  11. Laura says:

    Wonderful!
    Can I come too?!
    Hugs!
    **PS – Click to Tweet – your quote was my first Tweet for Juice Produce For Life.
    ***PPS – You’re on my short list… ;)

  12. Bonnie says:

    IN 2007 I sold my house (had been our home for 13 years) and lots of its contents to move to Vancouver Island, B.C. with my husband for his new job. We moved into a rented town home. It was the first layer of downsizing for us. Then in 2009 we decided to return to the US. I literally sold all my furniture except our bed and TV. I even sold my trail bike! We drove from BC back to Arizona with my car in tow. With no home in AZ, we rented an apartment for 18 months. Talk about a resurrecting feelings of your youth! We purchased an end unit lower level condo where we’ve been for 2 years. How has this transition affected me? I do love the less cleaning and paying for services to keep a 2400 square foot home running. I do miss having more space though. I now see that my “sell off ” of just about all my furniture, home goods, even jewelry in Canada was more about “letting go” of my old life. The life that thought having a “museum-like” house reflected my ability to be successful and happy. I am still working through “letting go” of some “set point” thinking that is interfering with my business. I imagine if we hadn’t made that move, I would be an unhappy woman, looking for outside sources to affirm me, which I see a lot in my “neighborhood.” Jen, your move will open up a whole new world to you! Go for it with gusto! Enjoy every minute of it!

  13. Nicole says:

    Jen – I live in Northern VA too – so I know EXACTLY what you are getting away from!! What a wonderful, bold decision you are making for you and your family. That is exciting and I’m sure you will love the simpler life. Since I grew up in NoVA, this is “home” for me…it’s my normal, but I agree that the cost, the traffic, the rat race, the “Jones” – can all be too much at times. Housing market is picking up and I hope your house sells quickly at a price that makes you happy!

  14. Maureen says:

    WOW – you are living the life you are trying to inspire others to lead! YGG (you go girl!) Sounds like a courageous, positive, life-changing decision. Wishing you and your family every happiness as you make this big transition! xo Maureen

  15. Cindy says:

    This will be an adventure and having lived in the city (Cambridge, MA) my whole life and then moving to the bird sanctuary in Florida (Space-coast) I can totally understand your desire to get away. Before moving to Florida, we lived in San Diego for about eleven years and then moved to a better school district, where gangs didn’t visit the school playground.

    My best friend in my neighborhood of twenty years is now moving (only 15 minutes to the next suburban town) and she is ecstatic, as she and her husband don’t want the pool or the lawn maintenance, and her child has married and has children. I was a little bit sad but considering our own aging mother’s, who both live alone and will not move from their “home of belonging” to assisted living or facilities that would suit them; we, as adult children, have to accept the choices that they have made for themselves. But, as adult children, we now have our own lives.

    When my daughter was killed in 2005 we tried to move in 2007 and after we bought another home, and then “rented it” because my husband and son really did not want to move, I was left astounded. So I would say this: do not buy anything until you have actually sold the home you are in. (We ended up short-selling that home….and losing a more than we bargained for.) Now I am here in the same house that I wanted to move away from and have decided that it was all for the best, since it is perfect for an artist and a writer. It takes a huge amount of energy to move away from a home of belonging and create another one.

    If you are moving for artistic reasons, make sure that your home meets the requirement of your artistic needs. Will you be able to write and edit in a smaller home and will your community of friends be able to embrace your dreams? Do you already love your new community?

    You may want to give yourself a lot of time and space for making such a huge decision. Actually, if you are going to sell. it is an excellent time from the market’s point of view. (Also have my real-estate license).

    Since I don’t really know you, the burden that you have laid before your readers and followers is not so heavy but your reasoning is interesting. God Speed.

    When you get a chance please make a list of ALL o the reasons that you are moving and to be fair, make sure it is directed and grounded in honest love. As a writer, I have to say that moving takes a huge amount of energy and you probably won’t be in full swing with your writing, for a few months at least.
    Timing is everything.

    My friend who is moving is an artist and it took incredible amounts of time and staging to finally get the home sold, and now she is dreaming about her down-sized home that she already has chosen and they are getting ready to close on the 16th of October. It is always such a chore to get the home ready and it usually never looked better than on the day it was sold. New appliances etc.
    Make sure that not only you are prepared but your family is also.

    Do it true and do it well~

  16. Jeanette says:

    Oh My, will you look at the ripples your integrity has started?! It can’t be random happen-stance that so many in this circle you have created have the same energy flowing in the same direction…freeing ourselves of clutter, downsizing despite the risks, living true to our interior selves and creating exteriors to reflect our truths. You rock, Jen, and I can’t wait to read of your joy-filled transition
    I have been away from LAT for the summer off doing very much the stuff you espouse! An out of the blue trip to Ecuador (which changed my life), then home to help my husband while he got his hips replaced, a week apart. In between hips, we ‘randomly’ found a place by the beach that fit our dream home and within 2 weeks, had listed and sold the home he has had since his divorce (read 2 boys’ anchor…do we dare?) bought and prepared to move into the dream. Every hitch that came our way, melted before it could be a problem…the sense of ‘right’ was prevasive, and the boys, one of whom is in college and the younger, a senior, embraced and were excited with and for us. Now, at almost 50, I have set up my first ever home and it has been a kick-a ton of work and sore muscles, but even that has felt great!

    I am so so happy for you and your family, Jen. Living the dream and so empowered by it.
    Loving thoughts for your adventure!
    J

  17. I’m delighted for you! Thank you for trusting yourself and believing in your mission!

  18. Mary Jane says:

    I like your cheerfulness, boldness and courage…however, YOU have a husband and boys by your side. I don’t. My husband found someone else 5 years ago, we divorced and I got the house because I was the only one who could make the payments. I am afraid to the depths of my soul to let go and leave it. In leaving it, I would be leaving the home where I had my children, where I’ve had all my hopes, dreams, memories and LIFE happen for the last 37 years. I don’t want to move in with either of my grown children. I vary between being miserable in the house, constantly reminded every day that I USED to have a family and a life, and being happy because I am free to do as I please when I please. However, that is cold comfort when I don’t have anyone to share my life with anymore. Oh sure, my children and grandchildren come over to the big old house and visit me…and they love the house too, but should I stay there just because it has past meaning for all of us? I love that house…but my Soul tells me I won’t ever truly move into the next (best?) phase of my life until I can let go of it and step out of my fear, into the future. I just can’t. Thinking about leaving it gives me a panic attack. It is my security blanket…and it suffocates me at the same time it comforts me.

    • Jennifer says:

      I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time with this transition. When I had my great period of loss, at some point, I realized that I WAS IN CHARGE of how I felt. That ultimately, only I could choose. Would I get bitter? Or, would I get better?

      I have learned that letting go of my story is absolutely essential if I want to create anything joyous in my life. Thank you so much for sharing.

  19. Angie says:

    I think you must have had a pow-wow with my counselor this morning…lol. I go to counseling, I talk about my debilitating fears…I’m so scared to make the wrong choice that I just refuse to make a choice sometimes. I’m scared my “selfish” choices will interfere with how I’m “supposed” to raise my child, be a wife, be a mother, be a homemaker. A whole lot of fear and a whole lot of self-judging and living by others opinions and for others needs in a self-defeating and dismissing way. I’m still in the super tampon stage of life, and a few weeks ago had my angel baby removed for being stuck in my nasty mess of a fallopian tube. So here I sit. Sad and scared. Confused and angry. Pitiful and did I mention scared? I fear having another baby…another person to live for, another life to be accountable to and responsible for, another chance to become the most vulnerable and confused woman called a mother. She, my counselor, being the wise woman that she is, reminded me my daughter is here for her own life journey and I am a piece of that, but I don’t define it or direct it. I don’t help it or detract from it. What she is here for, she is here for. Then I come home and read your words. Rationally, holy coincidence. Spiritually, smack in the face wake up and learn. So am I all cured, ready to pop out a baby, happy and fierce and confident? Not so much, but I have hope that it is coming. That I’m inching ever so snail-like toward the fork in the road where I choose…integrity to my inner-self or slave to the fear. I have more hope than I did at 6AM this morning that I’ll follow “I” to happiness. So I thank you for your inspiration, sharing your words of wisdom and your bravery.

    • Jennifer says:

      Be loving to your beautiful loving heart. You are finding your way. Yes, you really, really are. The only way out is through love. And you are doing it. I believe in you. Jen

  20. Teresa says:

    Thank you for sharing this important life altering news!
    It’s obvious you came to terms with it after a great deal of sacrifice and soul searching.

    Home is such a big deal. More for us than I think our kids, even though for them I suspect “it sucks”. On the other hand, you are teaching them to honor themselves in life and you are practicing what you teach, and give to all of us through LAT.

    What’s interesting is I always saw you as a bit of a city girl with a country girl heart, because you are so damn edgy and cut-to-the-chase funny. But hey, your heart and soul need to settle in with quiet and some distance from the hustle and bustle, I say good for you. You deserve to be where you are most inspired and feel most nurtured yourself.

    I look forward to hearing more about your journey as it unfolds and of course wish you and your family a happy transition.
    I believe it’s safe to say, we are all here for you if you need us along the way.
    x0. T~

    • Jennifer says:

      How lovely and generous you are! Thank you so much. The boys are actually looking forward to it, though I’m sure it will be a process for all of it. Jen

  21. Patty D says:

    A big resounding YES!!!! Here’s to living your truth and casting off those perceived or real “other” imposed limits/expectations -Whoo Hoo to You!
    Patty

  22. Laura says:

    Congrats on the decision Jen — may it be the reality you want.
    Before I moved to Florida last week (temporarily for now, checking out the area) my friends suggested that I “reinvent” myself. Why would I want to do that when I truly love who I am now? I think what they were alluding to is that no one here has seen me grow or struggle and so they see who have I have become, not who I was. So I’m just being my own beautiful self and seeing what and who shows up. Love.

    • Jennifer says:

      You’re doing it, love. Thank you for taking a moment to write in. Go have your wonderful adventure, whatever that brings. Love, J

  23. You go, girl. We did that move, to the country from Philalephia, 40 years ago. One kid thrived, the other had a rough time of it. Both have flourished in the end. Happy parents are way more important — for everyone involved — than good schools. I, and our kids, are here to tell.

    And this one is critical: You say “my personal integrity tells me that it’s really important to live the principles of what I’m writing about here. In other words, if you’re a professional Change Agent for women at midlife, you can’t very well run away from making the decisions YOU need to make for yourself, right?”

    Absolutely right! We cannot give what we do not have, as I often say. Women need us elders (as I must now confess to being) to live our truths out loud. And they need us to be drop-dead honest about how fucking difficult — and incredibly soul-satisying — that can be. That’s what you are doing, and that’s what I am doing, too. We are bare naked at the reality dance and proud of it.

  24. Zénaide says:

    Congratulations and brava, Jen. I’m excited for you and your family.

    I recently, with heart-in-my-mouth, moved back to my hometown after 36 years. I couldn’t be happier. It hasn’t grown much since I left. Unemployment is high here now and I have no idea what I’ll do for work… and I don’t care. I’ll figure it out. I’ll be OK. It feels right to be back in this town and near water again. I belong here.

    Life is good.

  25. Carol Hess says:

    Jennifer, you’ve got to stop it. You’ve got to stop invading my mind and posting my dreams in your blog for all to see. The community you described is the community I’ve held in my heart and vision for a while now but didn’t have a clue how to go about creating. Now it looks like I don’t have to create it all by myself. It looks like I can help you create it. I’m so good with that. Count me IN!

    And then there’s the whole integrity, risk, walk the talk thing you’ve got going on and your decision to move. I’m so proud of you for taking the harder path of the spiritual warrior. It encourages all of us to do the same.

    I’ve got some major financial issues coming up for me that are requiring me to really walk my talk. I so appreciated how you dove deep into this issue. Money, safety, loneliness, abandonment, fear, lack of trust, lack of trust in HP, lack of trust in me. That’s exactly what’s going on for me. EXACTLY. Thank you for shedding some clear light at just the right time.

    I think you are amazing, awesome, wise, funny, insightful, compassionate, loving and every other great adjective there is. I am here to support you and your work. I believe in what you’re doing. Big time.

  26. Anne says:

    Synchronicity: My FB post today:
    “Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!”
    -Henry David Thoreau

    Bravo on your decision….enjoy your country home….your heart will sing…all will be well.

  27. Priska says:

    I’m with you sista!
    ‘Let’s Boom On’! to a ‘Better Life after Tampons’ than we ever imagined possible.
    It’s funny how fear boils down to worrying about lack, mostly of money!
    I made the seachange/treechange thirty years ago but never managed to enjoy it, instead I spent 40 hours per week at the office. I’d settled for half a change. Yes, I was worried about losing the safety, status, friendship or whatever that income provided.
    I believe mid life is about confronting the areas of life which we have settled. Whether it’s a relationship, career, lifestyle. If we confront that fear, there’s no need for a crisis, just a reinvention.

    • Jennifer says:

      “I believe mid life is about confronting the areas of life which we have settled. Whether it’s a relationship, career, lifestyle. If we confront that fear, there’s no need for a crisis, just a reinvention.” — Brilliant!!!

  28. Kim Paz says:

    I’m proud of you Jen. Keep inspiring me …..all of you ladies on here are doing that for me…….I find it a little scary to be this age (52)and on my own, but also energizing to know that I can do whatever I want in my life and don’t have the responsibility of a partner or children’s feelings to worry about. My women friends have been the most help and inspiration to me since I’ve become single again. I Love it most of the time but I still worry about my financial future arrrrgggg…..wish I could just let it go and live!

  29. Betty says:

    Good for you! It is good for children to see their parents make decisions that make them happy – otherwise, how will they know to do the same?

    I’ve just started a job at a new and wonderful organization this week, and am happy to see that the other new hire is also a woman of a wise age. Isn’t an organization smart that knows to hire women with some wisdom!

  30. You always seem to have a knack for writing a post that I can relate to immediately. We, too, are contemplating moving. We have been in our house for 13 years and I love living where we are but my husband has an hour drive each way to work every day. It has been hard on him, and now at the age of 52, feels that he can no longer keep driving so far. The problem is he wants to move to the city so he can be closer to work and where prices are sky high. I don’t think we can afford to do it, but most of all, in my gut, I don’t think it’s the right time. After reading the many posts here, I think that I have to listen to that feeling. Change is very good for everyone and I don’t oppose the change. We are going to proceed slowly and have a look at some homes in the location we are thinking of and take it from there.

    Your words are encouraging though and I hope that you enjoy your new home and that everything works out well for you and your family.

  31. Cindy Bertaut says:

    Jen,
    When you can have a chance to grasp what you envision in your heart you shouldn’t deny it. The stars must be aligning if the Italian wants the same, and with the two of you your boys will be fine – and maybe a little shake up will be good for them as well. Life is an adventure – don’t ever give in.
    Love
    Cindy

  32. Big, big kudos to you Jen for walking the talk and following your heart – no small feat when you have a crew of boys to face down about the whole thing! It’s amazing though how things have a way of aligning in your favor once you make these huge decisions. Awesome that “The Italian” hubby of yours is right with you on this decision, and you know this community is here cheering you on.

    There will be days of doubt and despair -a s I’m sure you know, yet that spark inside will continue to guide you as you as you move forward, closer to that self-trust.

    No one makes it out of this midlife shakeup unscathed it seems. But I guess the good news is we will make it out even more fully ALIVE – if we listen, if we make the necessary changes.
    My big move was in the opposite direction from you. From the country to the city (but not such a big, busy city). A breakup of a 22-year marriage and all the attendant guilt about leaving the world I’ve woven for this extended family. The voice of reason says “WTF, they can certainly get on and make it all happen without me!” But of course it’s the ones who are closest that can set the biggest traps and throw out the biggest guilt trips.

    Yucky stuff – and I’m still in free fall and sorting it out. Yet, what a gift to have finally claimed a little space so I can hear my heart speak! Sounds like that’s just what you’re aiming for in this move to a softer, quieter environment. All of us are rooting for you!

  33. Nancy says:

    Hey Jennifer, Congratulations on your decision to move! It was good to witness your fears and to read how you moved past them! I am not clear, did the house sell? Are you in the country yet?

    My big move this year was into a tiny 850 square foot apartment over the garage of the “big house”. I remodeled the space (upheaval+trauma (and a bout of illness I just couldn’t seem to figure out) = difficulty letting go?) and turned the family home into a “Vacation Rental by Owner”. You guessed it, I am the inn-keeper! We have been nearly full since we opened and every soul who has stayed in the house has been a delight. It is another confirmation of my belief that people are GOOD. It is delightful to watch families on vacation here on 39-acres-at-the-end-of-the-road-on-the-river and recognize again HOW GOOD MY LIFE IS!!! Do I miss my home? It’s right outside my door. My question of what to do with my stuff was resolved. It’s in there. My guests keep telling me that they can’t believe they get to stay in such a beautifully appointed home. Many of them comment on my “trust”. Life is what you choose day-to-day. I choose to trust myself and my higher power and all of these souls I was destined to know.
    Here’s to change…thank GOD it’s not a TAMPON!!!

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