What is Your Truest Truth?

What is your truest truth? That is where we begin.

Are you a conversational shape shifter? Or, when talking about the truth of your life, are you able to say that thing that needs to be said — The thing that is closest to the bone?

When you take action – or inaction, which is also action, by the way – do you know WHY you did or didn’t do that thing? Or do you call it something else?

In other words, are you clear about your motive underneath the motive? Or, are you a bit sneaky? Do you hide what you’re truly trying to achieve under a more socially-acceptable motive?

Here’s an example – do you keep overly busy doing things that are expected of you because these are the things you WANT and NEED to do?

Or, do you do them because what you really want is social approval, to be seen as the “good one,” or to avoid telling yourself the truth – that you’re kinda sort of really unhappy with your life the way it is?

Are you afraid of stopping because you sense that, if you do, the REAL truth – the truest truth – will come rushing out in a flood of gut wrenching despair? Are you running every day just to keep ahead of the ever-encroaching truth about where the choices you have made in life have led you?

They are ALL your choices, by the way.

Anyway, if your daily life is a marathon run from the truth, then I invite you to try this.

Stop.

Turn around.

When your truest truth catches up to you, when that fear runs right up to you, grab it by the ears, and give that mother a big sloppy wet kiss right on the lips.

Yep, you gotta make love to that sucker – your truest truth, your greatest fear. (click to tweet)

The only way out is through, Sweet Pea.

Stop running. Start living.

YOUR life.

The one you’re meant to live. Not the one that has been assigned to you. That life is already taken. THAT life has been lived a million times.

The world doesn’t need ONE MORE EXAMPLE of a woman living a half-lived life. (click to tweet)

But we do need yours. The truest truth of yours.

So, begin now. In the comments below, let us know what ONE falsehood you will relinquish – just for today.

Love, Jen

P.S. – Here’s where you sign up to get regular Life After Tampons truth-telling stuff. No spam ever.

photo: Flickr, framemaker

 

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35 Responses to What is Your Truest Truth?

  1. Sharon Grimley says:

    My truest truth? If I stop helping people and being nice to people and spreading myself too thin for people and trying to make everyone else happy, that they will all leave me. And there will be nobody who thinks I am special enough or worthwhile enough to stick around.
    There I said it.

    • Patti says:

      Sharon you are very brave being able to lay it on the line like that, saying it out loud. I started crying as soon as I read it. Way to close to home. I have a feeling you are pretty special regardless of what you think you have to do.

    • Jennifer says:

      I’ll be here. And I suspect many others. When my baby died, one of my mentors made me go to my friends and say this, “I’m really grieving, and that means I need to keep telling my story over and over again. I’m afraid that I’ll wear you out and you’ll leave me.”

      You know what my friends said? “What kind of friend would I be then?”

      Your very brave truest truth made me think of this. And, I wonder what the people who love you would say if you shared that truth with them?

      You are not alone, except in the darkest corners of your own mind. You might want to check that out, though. Start with the safest person who loves you and see.

      I’ll be right here (and it sounds like Patti will be, too.) Love, Jen

      • Orfhlaith says:

        When my baby died, someone who was my best friend pulled me aside and told me to stop talking about it because I was freaking everyone out. Boy do you ever find out who your real friends are in times of crisis!

        • Jennifer says:

          That happened to me, too. Some people can’t go with us to the hardest places but I found others who could. We don’t need everyone to understand. How could they?

  2. Stuart Young says:

    Wow, Sharon – that statement resonates with me too. I suppose for me, I want significance, I want to matter to people. I want to make sure that when I’m gone people will remember me and what I stood for. I suppose all of this is just wanting to be loved and be reassured of that. Is it ok for me (a guy) to be commenting here!?

  3. Cindy says:

    After my Eighteen year old daughter was killed in a violent car crash, and my life was completely shattered, I was just going through the pause and then i went right through and completely shut-down. I think it was a full and complete nervous breakdown. The thyroid hormones gave me the start I needed but the other drugs I gave up. i am left with drinking and enjoying two glasses of Chardonnay in the evenings and would like to get it down to one glass. My family history is riddled with alcoholism and now of course my family has been through recovery and I am stuck here carrying all of the pain and the guilt and the anger of it all just eats me up sometimes.
    The boy driving, who was supposed to be with his family was also pronounced dead, and another innocent family of four almost demolished. Vehicular Homicide was the focus of the Police Report and the M.E. Report made me more than insane.

    Grief has no resolution apparently but I would like to shut the door on this part of my life now and focus on the fictional story that I started a few years ago. The young man driving the car was the best friend of a famous professional racing family and in my outrage I started advocating for Public Service Announcements and have had some good results. We actually were able to help with an illegal street racing Bill in 2011 it was finally brought to the floor of the Florida Legislature and it passed, (very diluted, however.) Before all of this happened I was just going through “the pause” …I hit the wall a few years before and was working out my new outlook but now everything is jaded. I grew old in one weekend.

    My best friend in the neighborhood of twenty years is moving today, and my husband who has a completely full life is out of town again, and I had a long night and decided it was o.k. to feel the fear of being alone…but I just want to like myself again and publish my book which I know will be an important part of reclaiming the part of my life that I feel has been wasted.

    It would be nice to have an etiquette handbook or a life-coach when we are faced with this unspeakable grief but we have to stumble along in the dark until we meet the light of day again, which does shine through eventually. Waking up to the fear of loneliness and living a life of dread is what I am facing. I don;t want to resent my past. It is like a water-faucet…the cold water jst needs to turn off but it keeps running anyway. I would just like to have a new purpose for living.

    • Patty D says:

      Cindy,
      I’m truly sorry for your loss, but I’m grateful that you are part of the LAT circle and sharing such a vulnerable side of yourself. I belong to a grief/loss support group where it’s been said, “you don’t do grief, grief does you.” That’s about the best way I’ve ever heard it described. And much like Jennifer said, part of what helps us get through our grief is being able to tell our story over and over and over again. It helps us assimilate it into our new reality. It takes as long as it takes…it’s not about “getting over it”, but we can and do get through it if we allow ourselves to feel whatever we need to feel. In a sense, it’s a sacred time. And it takes as long as it takes. There’s no set time, no set order, right or wrong way to process it. Its super important to be gentle with yourself. Society in general is uncomfortable with grief and you may find there are some people in your life that you would think would know how to be supportive, yet are not. It’s a skill that not everyone possesses but should learn. That being said, there are still good resources for support – this being one of them. (((hugs)))
      Patty

    • Jennifer says:

      Cindy, I am so sorry for your loss. Please read this when you have a moment: http://www.lifeaftertampons.com/2012/09/24/a-pep-talk-to-a-friend-or-maybe-even-you-and-a-word-about-humpty-dumpty/

      Get all the help you need, prayers.

  4. Linda O says:

    @ Cindy my heart feels and hears your pain. Life after the loss of your daughter is one day at a time and no more. Drugs just mask the real feelings that need to be expressed and dealt with. Talking and talking more would be helpful, finding a therapist or friend…..even when you dont feel like it. Writing it all down and everything you feel and your thoughts too……make time for the writing as it can be your private personal therapy. I sincerly hope you find peace and happiness and can live your life again.
    Hugs, Linda O

  5. Lisa says:

    Sharon,
    Maybe some will leave you – have you considered that maybe, just maybe, if that did happen, it would not be such a bad thing. A friend used to ask me to keep answering the question “and then what?” If your worst fear came true, then what? Maybe, you have more time to share yourself on a deeper level with people who are interested in you on a deeper level. Deeper, stronger connections sound way better than another something done for someone else. People do care.
    I am a bit jealous of your bravery in admitting such a fear.

  6. Angel says:

    The truth is I don’t love my husband, haven’t for a long time, maybe kinda pretty sure I never really did. I played my part beautifully and so did he. So I am stopping the pretending, which comes from fear. It is what it is.

  7. Carol Hess says:

    The falsehood I want to relinquish, just for today, is, “I don’t matter.”

  8. Patty D says:

    My current “is” lies somewhere between feeling like a 50yr. old “has been” and “never was”.

  9. Sharon Grimley says:

    What a brave group of souls! All this courage pouring out….

  10. Jeanette says:

    This day’s posts and comments…I am a bit awed by you all. I have pondered the question, begun a post and backed away. However, the truth is still there and to paraphrase a quote on grief…’it waits’ to be addressed and does not go away simply because I think I move faster than it does…so, to honor it I say-one of my quietest lies (which I truly fear is true) is that, as a stepmom, I don’t count and am negligable.

    One of my true hopes for this group is, that by being true to self, each comes into the piece/peace of life each so lovingly deserves.
    J

    • Jennifer says:

      Go courageous you!!!

    • Angie says:

      The one adult in my life that mattered to my heart and soul most was my step-dad. He has passed away, but he will always be my dad. Not because he created me, but because he loved me. As children, at any age, we are scared little beings and often hide away confusing truths, but your courage will give them courage…as you’ve already said, as your inner-wisdom goddess self already knows. All you can be is you to your truest form and when that’s okay for you…it will be okay for them too. :)

  11. Dawn L. says:

    Wow, just you speaking about the truth really scares me. I do the “comb over” so nobody can see what lies beneath . I hide my truths by trying to seem so strong and together. I will let little pieces of my vulnerability come out here and there to people I trust, but nobody knows the entire real me. It is something I have been working on, with a little success. The truth is I need others to help me stand when I feel like falling into an emotional puddle, and to do that I have to let them know what I am going through. It is hard for me, but with practice I will get better.

    • Jennifer says:

      Hello beautiful puddle girl. Come out of the rain. Lots of the puddle dwellers are just waiting for someone — like you? — to go first.

  12. I think my truth is that I feel like I need a lot of money to live, survive and thrive. And that I don’t have enough (nor have I ever had enough, nor will ever have enough) to truly be happy.

    In fact, come to think of it, the more I’ve earned over time, the less satisfied I seem to have become with my earning power. I feel really weird writing this because I don’t think of myself as being materialistic in any way; it feels horrible to admit this truth because of that…

    And it’s really hard to hit that submit button on this comment too…

  13. Cindy says:

    Alexandra it sounds like you have faced your fear (false evidence appearing real) squarely in the eye and I expect that you will see more abundance sooner than later. Fear is such an enemy. False evidence appearing real will get our minds into a tailspin. Sounds like you are going to conquer this one.

    Also thank you for all of he kind comments…don’t want to overload this sight with “grief ” but as we get older grief is another part of our story. All the more reason to find even the smallest joys in life.

  14. Nadia says:

    My truth is that I can’t trust anyone but myself and I need to be strong ALL the time – for me and for everyone else. But I’m not strong….and there are trusthworthy people around me, I’m just to scared to give them a chance to prove it.
    So if I were to live a life more true ty my self and not walk in the shadow of fear I would need to practice to say: Can you please help me, I can’t cope on my own.

    Just writing it brings tears to my eyes and I guess thats the proof that this is really important and I need to make a change.

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