Warning: Please don’t read this piece if you are not spiritually open. It will piss you off. Come back next week, though. Because I have a HUGE gift for my regular readers. And I think you will LOVE that.
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So, I gave up pessimism for Lent, which of course brought about a world-class case of the blues.
I’ve been weepy, listless, and just generally in the doldrums.
Now, if you look at the actual circumstances of my life, there is absolutely nothing going on that warrants any of this. In fact, everything in my actual life is pretty beautiful.
It’s just that right now, joy isn’t sticking to me.
I have a bad case of the Februaries.
I used to hate on myself a bit when I got out of sorts. When I was a kid, if you were upset for “no reason,” you were told, “Stop crying, or I’ll give you a reason to cry.” Boy that will shut you up!
At any rate, we can’t give away what we don’t have. So, I’ve learned to be gentle with myself when I get a bit lost on the dark side of the planet.
Self-disgust is not an effective strategy for change. (click to tweet)
When you want to change your life, acceptance is a better first step.
When you accept yourself, you view yourself with quiet compassion. You simply acknowledge what is, and then you try and envision a better way. And then you give that better way a shot.
When you accept yourself, there is no more flailing from one emotional extreme to another. You are neither overly grand nor overly crappy.
You are simply a worker among workers. A human among humans.
You are right-sized.
I gave up pessimism for Lent, but I don’t hate on myself for feeling poorly. I am powerless over my thoughts, at least my first thought.
What I’m not powerless over are my actions.
I see myself slipping into a bit of a dark spot, I lovingly accept that that is where I am, and then I ask Source to show me the Right Actions that will lead me out.
I focus on serving others, because service is a countermanding action that neutralizes self-centeredness. And, my love, negativity is absolutely a thought pattern of the self-absorbed.
Negativity tells me I’m “less than” or “unloved” or “unworthy.” Negativity whispers some pretty convincing lies. It tells my that “if you only knew who I really was, you wouldn’t want to . . . . “
. . . fill in the blank with anything that sounds like “love me” or “work with me” or “play with me” or “hire me” or “be my friend” or “trust me with something important” or “publish my work” or “help me” or any of the other things that I erroneously believe that others have the power to bestow or not bestow upon me.
Because here is what I BELIEVE: “There is one who has ALL power. That one is god. May you find him now.”
You don’t have the power over my contentment. But then again, neither do I.
Everything comes from Source.
Therefore the strategic approach to everything is to strengthen my connection to Source.
Now there is a lot that I can do while I’m waiting to be “restored to sanity.” Source will only do for me what I cannot do for myself. And there is a whole lot I can do for myself, even in the middle of the Februaries.
I can eat well. I can get the rest I need. I can “act as if” I feel better than I do. I can tell on my bad self (which is why I’m writing this confessional piece.) I can look for ways to use my experience — all of it — in ways that serve others.
In other words, I don’t “cherry pick” what I let you see about the way I live my life. That would be a lie. I want to be a catalyst for positive change in the world. I want to be a channel for light and grace and possibility.
My life is a laboratory for grace. We don’t pretend that difficulty doesn’t exist. We simply share it with the profound faith that “this too shall pass” and that all healing is possible.
Here at Life After Tampons, we take full responsibility for the choices we make as well as the ones we don’t. When you live by the tenet, “Quit Your Bitching. Change Your Life” you don’t deny the difficulties of the human experience. But we don’t marinate in them either.
We approach our difficulties in a way that brings healing to others. And that brings me to Beautiful You. I’m guessing that some of you can relate to my experience of suffering from a bad case of the Februaries. That means that you have a piece of the solution!!!
I hope you will share your beautiful experience with us in the comments below.
And, please — Keep Coming Back! Next week, I’ve got something truly gorgeous for you!!!
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Photo: flickr, Hamed Saber. Title by Ellen, from the coffee shop. Love you, Ellen!