In Part 1 of our series, “How to Get Unstuck,” we talked about the need to give yourself permission to move forward. In this context, we don’t just mean you intellectually one day decide you are going to move forward, although that is certainly helpful.
What we really mean is that we give ourselves ONGOING permission to keep at it. In order to do this, we make living our Insurrected Life a PRIORITY in our lives. That means we become willing to invest in ourselves. We set aside, time, resources, and energy to LEARN how to do the things we want to do. If you haven’t read that piece yet, here is your link.
That may mean investing in art classes, travel, mastermind groups, or coaching. It may mean going back to school, but you have to be careful here, because many of us get stuck at this point because what we are really doing is masking our FEAR that we are not already enough/qualified to move forward by putting in yet another holding pattern – going back to school.
When you do, you may notice, almost immediately that a whole crop of new FEARS show up in your life.
We’ve already addressed the fear of not being “enough” by delaying your real work while you “get qualified.”
But what about other fears? The fear of leaving people behind. The fear of losing loved ones. The fear of the future. The fear of financial insecurity. The fear of failing. The fear of looking ridiculous. The fear of fear.
It goes on and on.
Now, in my private and group practices we talk about these fears EVERY DAY. And, what I have discovered is that, if you look at your fears in the “right way” – in other words in ways that serve you – you actually discover that your fears can FUEL YOUR INSURRECTION.
Here’s what I mean.
Let’s start with a common fear at the beginning of Your Midlife Insurrection™ — the fear of losing friends and others who supposedly “love you.”
The reason you fear losing people is because you probably will. There will MOST LIKELY people who supposedly love you/support you/spend time with you who will not understand or approve of what you are trying to do to help yourself.
Here’s how to transform this particular fear into fuel:
Understand that no matter what you do in your life, whether you move forward, you move backward, or you stay the same, there will be people who will not go on that journey with you. When you get stuck or when you retreat, there will be people who want to move forward that don’t want to get stuck with you, so they move on.
When you move forward, there will be people who are jealous of you or who are unconsciously sad about their own decision to stay stuck, who will try to undermine your success. They are not trying to hurt you, they are trying to bind up their own wounds.
So, since no matter what you do, the people in your life will change, accept that and decide to take the actions that will give you the best possible outcome. In other words, move forward.
When people speak out against you, ask them to help you understand their fears for you. If these concerns ring true to you, then ask them to help you brainstorm ways to minimize risk while still taking the actions you need to take on your own best behalf. Those who truly are talking out of their concern and love for you, will help you figure this out. Those who are acting out of their own fear, jealousy and the like, will not be willing to be constructive in their conversations with you.
Understand this. Show compassion for these people, because they are people and they deserve compassion, but also because bitterness and anger – when held too close to your own beautiful heart, is NOT STRATEGIC.
Recognize that if you are raising a ruckus, then you are probably doing something right.
Proceed accordingly. Always respectful to others. And ALWAYS RESPECTFUL to yourself. That means, invest in yourself and your dreams, keep at it.
You can repeat this process with all your fears. If you have fear of economic insecurity, look and see if there is any truth to this fear. Your fear of financial insecurity is either pointing you to some truth or some falsehood. Either way, you need to know.
Ask financial experts to help you look at your money and strategize ways to take care of yourself.
Then, MOVE FORWARD, using ACTION to transform your fear of your financial future into actions that support a positive outcome.
To summarize: When you are afraid, it is because something that needs addressing is calling to you. Look into your fears to see what that thing is that needs attention. Get help from others to find if your fear is “justified” and make adjustments accordingly.
If your fear is simply a smokescreen for hiding your own greatness, thank it for sharing and move on.
One day at a time, one moment at a time, we show up for ourselves.
P.S. Want more tips about how to live in the solution? Sign up here for regular updates and free seminars.