Does This Worry You, Too?

flick, stevendepolo

So, you may have noticed that last week’s conversation was a massive hit.

And that got me thinking (of course.)

I wondered at the response to the piece.

I wondered why we lie.

So, I’ve been thinking about that.

 

A lot!

 

Why do we lie to ourselves?

Here are some possibilities:

 

We lie because we fear.

We fear because we don’t trust.

Ourselves.

Others.

The universe.

Um, ourselves.

 

We don’t trust ourselves because we’ve broken our promises.

To ourselves.

 

Again and again and again we’ve told ourselves we were going to do something.

But then, we didn’t.

 

Well, we may have started – losing weight, cleaning up that awful mess in the basement – whatever.

 

We started, but we didn’t continue.

We gave up.

We told ourselves it wasn’t all that important.

Or, that other things were more important.

And, so – we stopped.

 

We broke our promise to ourselves.

 

So, the next time we went to make a promise to ourselves,

Somewhere deep down inside, we had the tiniest little voice inside that said,

“Right.  Like this time will be different.”

 

Or, maybe someone else said that to us.

Because we’ve broken trust with others, too.

And sometimes we’ve even allowed other negative people to have too much sway over ourselves.

 

Here’s why that might have happened:

Since we can’t trust ourselves, we’re kinda unworthy, and since we’re kinda unworthy, it’s okay to allow other people to say mean things to us.

To doubt us.

So, now we have doubt in ourselves, and we might have some people outside of ourselves affirming our lack of value.

So, where does the light come in?

Honestly, my deepest hope, is that I can bring some of that to Beautiful You!

Truly, I want this more than anything.

But, even as fun as I am, or as wise as I can be, I can’t do the job alone.

Because this problem that you might have – the one that leads to you lying to Beautiful You is an inside job.
 

You are the beautiful saboteur in your own life.

 
And so, my love, the solution has to come from you.

You have to put the lash down.

You have to stop hurting yourself.

I suggest you begin with taking a break from thinking crappy stuff about yourself.

Because it’s just not true.

And, even if it is, it’s not strategic.

Nope, there isn’t one bad thing that you can think about yourself that will be part of the solution to your dilemma.  The dilemma that keeps you living a half-formed life.

If you wake up more resigned than inspired, I’m talking to Beautiful You.

 

So, here’s the plan:

The way you begin to trust yourself is that you stop breaking promises to yourself. (click to tweet.)

Don’t worry, this is easier than it sounds.

What you do, is you begin by making the smallest possible promise to yourself, and then

YOU KEEP IT!!

 

Here’s the level of ridiculously attainable promise I mean:

“Tonight, I’m going to eat a vegetable at supper.”

Or,

“Today, I’m gonna put my sneakers on and take a walk around the block.”

Or, “Today, I’m going to sit by myself for 15 minutes and write about what I really want to make of the rest of my life.  I’m not going to act on any of it.  I’m just going to write about it.  And, that will be enough.”

And then, you do it. No matter what.

This is how it all begins, love.  This is how you start living the way you want to.  This is how you start loving yourself and stop lying to yourself.

Oh, and tomorrow, you do it again.

Slowly, slowly, slowly – one baby step after another.

Oh, and accountability.  Thank god for BEAUTIFUL ACCOUNTABILITY.  In the Wisdom Circle comments below, report in AFTER you have done the thing you promised yourself you would do today.

Love, Jen

P.S.  A very small private group of Your Midlife Insurrection™ is about to begin.  Your Midlife Insurrection is our step-by-step strategic comeback system.  It is open by invitation only.  If you would like to talk with me about what you want to create with your one beautiful life and how Insurrection could help, please email me – Jennifer@lifeaftertampons.com.

photo: flickr, stevendepolo

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Comments from the LAT Wisdom Circle

11 Responses to Does This Worry You, Too?

  1. Susan Burlingame says:

    For two years I have been “doing the work”…..and now (Sept 2013) it was time to step up and get on with my life. So, after a day trip to Chattanooga, TN and learning about a master wood carver in the area, I decided to take wood carving lessons. I went home to NH and told EVERYONE I was going to go to TN for 3-4 months to learn how to carve carousel animals. It would only be a lie…..if I did not follow through. By telling EVERYONE what I was about to do “forced” me to take accountability….put my money where my mouth is. It would be bad enough if I lied to myself, but I really, really draw the line at lying to my friends (or to strangers, for that matter). It also pushed me to make some other big decisions about my life….give up my room in NH, find another place to live (where I know no one), get my dogs from their trainer (the boys and I have been apart for almost 3 years), leave my friends and family behind, etc. And here I am, November 13th, settled in my new place, dogs snuggled up, and getting ready to carve an elk ~ one of my animal totems/guides. I am soooooo glad I didn’t lie……

    • Jennifer says:

      Oh, me, too. It is so GREAT to hear from you again. Love, Jen

    • Sandy Morris says:

      My hat’s off to you, Susan! That has ALWAYS been one of my dreams! To go to an art retreat! I would love to go somewhere and do some kind of art; build a saddle, do ceramics or pottery, make jewelry, learn to carve like you did, make drums, etc. I am so jealous!! But I just never felt like I could get away from my responsibilities for that long or spend our money on it! Bravo!

      • Susan Burlingame says:

        Sandy, I don’t know where you live but I have stumbled upon several retreats/classes on the internet. There was a weekend painting class in MA (I was in PA at the time). All inclusive….room/board, supplies, teachers, class for less than $400. I needed only to bring brushes. Check out The Quilted Acorn in Newbury, MA for weekend classes. And if MA is too far away, give them a call anyway. They may be able to tell you about decorative painters in your area ~ they are a tight-knit group! Last year I stumbled upon Winter Doe Camp in VT….a weekend for women only. Fri night, Sat, and Sun all inclusive….meals, lodging, classes (2 on Sat, one on Sun) for less than $400. The choices were cross country skiing, snowshoeing, winter camping, outdoor cooking, dog sledding, rifle/pistol shooting and more. I went alone and had a ball!!! There is another one scheduled for the end of Feb 2014 at the Hulbert Outdoor Center in Fairlee, VT. Where do you live, Sandy? I would be happy to help you find your dream weekend!
        Susan

  2. Sandy Morris says:

    Boy Jen! When did you peek into my mind? I have SUCH a lack of faith in myself it’s ridiculous! It’s gotten to the point where I say, “Yeah right!” to myself more than, “Of course you will!”. I can, however, look at the reasons why I haven’t done what I want to this year and say, “Well, of course you didn’t!” because of the things happening around me.

    I am the kind of person who puts people first in my life, so they come before the stuff I want to do. This year has been a huge pile of helping others, so my stuff gets put aside. Taking my Mom to that wedding at Lake Tahoe, spending time with my son waiting in the hospital when his fiance was in critical condition, watching my grandson for a month when his mom went off the deep end, picking and putting up elderberries to keep my family healthy (they are a powerful anti-viral), helping my mom after she had hip surgery, including driving 2 hours a day to visit her when she needed to go to a skilled nursing facility to recover for 2 months, watching my grandson for ANOTHER month after his dad ended up in the hospital where he was diagnosed with MS. Nursing same grandson through a nasty sinus infection that turned into a nasty bronchial infection which turned into a severe bout of asthma. And all of this stuff happened in the space between July and the present! I haven’t had time to breathe much less do anything for myself. Meanwhile, the things that need done around the house just pile up with my bad opinion of myself just growing by the day. Part of me can reason with myself and say that I have things that are preventing me from doing what I need to do and other parts of me are flogging myself for not being superwoman! There are so many projects piled up that it is making me depressed because I feel like I will never get to do anything that I want to for myself. It seems like a pattern, too. The only time that I spent more time being creative and doing what I wanted to do was when I had a job at a community college. I always loved doing everything I did at that job. Now I just spend my time saying, “Yeah right. I will never be able to get that done.”

    I would never want to stop taking care of the people that I love! I am so glad that I have been able to take care of my parents and be there for my young grandson, or in the past, taking care of my own kids as they were growing up, but when do I get time for myself? I feel like a draft horse just pulling my cart-full of responsibilities through my life. Sometimes I want to shout, “I want off of this ride!! I want to run away where people don’t know me and I can get away from all of this WORK!!” But I don’t. I just get up again and get in front of that cart. And another crisis hits the fan.

    Thank you Jen, for bringing this subject up. Love your beautiful heart!

    • Ann Marie says:

      Sandy you (& your family) surely had a rough patch these last few months! We all have times like this when it seems like there is one thing after another on top of three other things that need my attention. And helping your family members through tough medical times is critically important! They were certainly blessed to have you around.
      Now it’s time to do what Jen suggested. Deep breath. That one little thing tonight. “Stuff” is ALWAYS going to happy, especially when caring for parents, kids (grown or not) and grandkids. Make time for thinking about that thing tonight and over time it can happen for you.

  3. Adrienne says:

    …“Today, I’m going to sit by myself for 15 minutes and write about what I really want to make of the rest of my life. I’m not going to act on any of it. I’m just going to write about it”…

    Jennifer,

    I am writing this immediately after finishing my 15 minutes in my closet/office writing about the beautiful thing I want to make of the rest of my life.

    You cannot possibly know what a deep encouragement your wisdom has been to me these last couple of weeks. I am brand new to your blog and stumbled across it (was guided to it, really) at just the right time.

    Keep keeping it real, sassy, and meaningful, girl. You are a blessing.

    ~Adrienne

  4. Marc Allred says:

    I just came across your site and immediately forwarded it to my wife who then forwarded it onto her mother and friends. Your comments and ideas are insanely applicable to my life right now. Thank you for sharing your story with others. I can’t wait to read more.
    -Marc @ marcallred.com

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