So, you may have noticed that last week’s conversation was a massive hit.
And that got me thinking (of course.)
I wondered at the response to the piece.
I wondered why we lie.
So, I’ve been thinking about that.
Why do we lie to ourselves?
Here are some possibilities:
We lie because we fear.
We fear because we don’t trust.
We don’t trust ourselves because we’ve broken our promises.
Again and again and again we’ve told ourselves we were going to do something.
But then, we didn’t.
Well, we may have started – losing weight, cleaning up that awful mess in the basement – whatever.
We started, but we didn’t continue.
We gave up.
We told ourselves it wasn’t all that important.
Or, that other things were more important.
And, so – we stopped.
We broke our promise to ourselves.
So, the next time we went to make a promise to ourselves,
Somewhere deep down inside, we had the tiniest little voice inside that said,
“Right. Like this time will be different.”
Or, maybe someone else said that to us.
Because we’ve broken trust with others, too.
And sometimes we’ve even allowed other negative people to have too much sway over ourselves.
Here’s why that might have happened:
Since we can’t trust ourselves, we’re kinda unworthy, and since we’re kinda unworthy, it’s okay to allow other people to say mean things to us.
To doubt us.
So, now we have doubt in ourselves, and we might have some people outside of ourselves affirming our lack of value.
So, where does the light come in?
Honestly, my deepest hope, is that I can bring some of that to Beautiful You!
Truly, I want this more than anything.
But, even as fun as I am, or as wise as I can be, I can’t do the job alone.
Because this problem that you might have – the one that leads to you lying to Beautiful You is an inside job.
You are the beautiful saboteur in your own life.
And so, my love, the solution has to come from you.
You have to put the lash down.
You have to stop hurting yourself.
I suggest you begin with taking a break from thinking crappy stuff about yourself.
Because it’s just not true.
And, even if it is, it’s not strategic.
Nope, there isn’t one bad thing that you can think about yourself that will be part of the solution to your dilemma. The dilemma that keeps you living a half-formed life.
If you wake up more resigned than inspired, I’m talking to Beautiful You.
So, here’s the plan:
Don’t worry, this is easier than it sounds.
What you do, is you begin by making the smallest possible promise to yourself, and then
YOU KEEP IT!!
Here’s the level of ridiculously attainable promise I mean:
“Tonight, I’m going to eat a vegetable at supper.”
“Today, I’m gonna put my sneakers on and take a walk around the block.”
Or, “Today, I’m going to sit by myself for 15 minutes and write about what I really want to make of the rest of my life. I’m not going to act on any of it. I’m just going to write about it. And, that will be enough.”
And then, you do it. No matter what.
This is how it all begins, love. This is how you start living the way you want to. This is how you start loving yourself and stop lying to yourself.
Oh, and tomorrow, you do it again.
Slowly, slowly, slowly – one baby step after another.
Oh, and accountability. Thank god for BEAUTIFUL ACCOUNTABILITY. In the Wisdom Circle comments below, report in AFTER you have done the thing you promised yourself you would do today.
P.S. A very small private group of Your Midlife Insurrection™ is about to begin. Your Midlife Insurrection is our step-by-step strategic comeback system. It is open by invitation only. If you would like to talk with me about what you want to create with your one beautiful life and how Insurrection could help, please email me – Jennifer@lifeaftertampons.com.
photo: flickr, stevendepolo