This piece is about the fear of confrontation.
When you fear confrontation, you let people hurt you, but you say nothing.
You figure “they’re having a bad day,” or something like that.
You let it slide.
Then, you get hurt again.
But you smile, you gloss over it, you let it go.
Except you really don’t.
You try, but then it happens again, and all those other times rush back to remind you.
That you are the victim, the picked on one, etc.
People think you are nice, though.
Cause you don’t make waves.
Or, at least you think people think that.
They may also be thinking that it’s hard to be friends with you because they can never really tell where you stand on things.
It’s tricky to be in relation with people who won’t contribute.
You think you’re contributing, though.
Or, maybe you don’t think about contribution at all.
Maybe what you’re really thinking is that you are afraid.
Or, maybe you don’t know that you are afraid.
But, if you avoid contribution, it’s likely because you’re afraid.
Cause you’re pissed.
But you smile, so maybe we don’t know you’re pissed.
And then, one day, something happens – something that seems minor to the person who’s done it to you – and you completely lose your shit.
And, all the other shit you’ve been stuffing for all the years when you lived by the “peace at any cost” belief system comes out, too.
Ironically, when you lose your shit, you may also lose the person you’re close to who set you off.
This is ironic because when you believe in “peace at any cost” it’s because you’re afraid of losing people, of being alone.
And sometimes you may even think this, “If you really knew who I was, then you wouldn’t want to love me, work with me, etc.”
So, you have lived by peace at any cost cause you don’t want to lose people, but then you allow stuff to build up until you lose your stuffing and that pushes people away.
If you can relate to any of this, never fear. Next time we chat, I’m going to share with you the way out of this one.
Until then, do something nice for yourself.
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Photo: Flickr, What’s on My Mind