I cried at supper last night.
Cause I’m worried about the kids.
Who are all “adulting.”
They’re trying. But stuff needs to happen while they still have insurance and, of course, that stuff doesn’t seem to be so important until AFTER the insurance goes away and they have to take care of stuff and now it’s super expensive.
Or they are trying to become drivers but nobody will really study the motor vehicle administration site and so there is trip after trip to get this thing done.
And I don’t wipe metaphorical butts anymore and that means I let them fall and I let them fail.
And then I sit at the supper table and cry.
Over the Thai chicken peanut satay.
What’s new in your world?
photo: Paul Inkles
So, you know how, when you prepare food or anything for your family and most of it comes out really nice but some piece of it is a dud and you always take the dud for yourself and give your family the best bowl of whatever?
I’ve started taking the BEST BOWL for myself.
Selfish. Completely. Reversing a twenty-five year trend.
And you know what?
Not a single person has noticed or complained.
So my message for today, in love and work, is to STOP taking the very worst for yourself. STOP thinking (and acting as if) you always need to be last.
Put yourself first sometimes.
photo: flickr, Tony Alter
Dearest Beautiful You,
Tomorrow I will celebrate 27 years of continuous sobriety.
It’s certainly been a full year.
• I let go of my fellowship and am working to create a new spiritual home for myself.
• I started a new website for my company and that is rolling along.
• The boys are one year further along, my youngest is about to get his learner’s permit and then he will be “free,” so, after 24 years of parenting, that role is on the downshift.
• And I decided to let Life After Tampons go for the coming year – with the exception of my Sabbatical folks. (Learn more here.)
For now, life in the forest is okay. We’ve had some challenges, but are working through those.
And I wanted to find some small way to celebrate. To say, “thank you” to all the Beautiful You’s who share this life journey with me.
So, thank you. I really mean it. Wherever you are, whoever you are, I honor and celebrate that we are sharing this life journey in tandem – you in your part of the world, and me in mine.
With love and Grace,
Mostly, I’m afraid.
The winter is coming and I can feel the sorrow starting to accumulate around the edges of my spirit.
Getting up is harder now. Getting dressed is harder now. Getting in the shower is a pep talk all of its own.
I’m doing it, but it’s still early days.
The words have been silent the past few weeks, and that’s how I know. But I have my Friendship Project and am working the heck out of it.
Just writing this to let you know I’m still here and I’m still with you. But, I’m still me and whatever chemistry I have is starting to shift toward the darker side.
I hate this feeling – this slow slippery downward slope of depression.
But for all those out there who feel it too, you are not alone.
You can be successful and have depression. You can write beautifully and have depression. You can raise amazing children and have depression.
You can make Sunday supper and smile and go to the coffee shop and have depression.
But, mostly, I’m just afraid.
photo: flickr, David Evers