It’s truly wonderful when love works out.
I mean, love is SUPPOSED to work out, right?
You love someone and they love you back.
But, what if they don’t. Or did. But don’t now?
Since everyone here is “of a certain age” (what a dumbass phrase) – since we’ve all been alive for four to six or more decades, I’m guessing we’ve all had a turn at giving and receiving broken love.
We get older, we get more philosophical about love. Perhaps it doesn’t sting as much as it did in the early years.
Even still, unrequited love simply hurts. I’m guessing we all can agree on that.
Anyway, that’s the stipulation I’m gonna make before I tell you about this next part which is this:
If unrequited love hurts, why would you have a dream that you LOVE and not give yourself the gift of doing it?
Why would you have a love for yourself (as expressed in a Big Dream) but not give it to yourself?
In other words, why would you have an unrequited dream – a longing that you never pursue, a wish that lies dormant, a desire that is allowed to shrivel and die?
I’m gonna take a great big guess right now and say, “FEAR!!!”
Yep, we’re afraid to take a chance on love again (for ourselves) because we’ve let ourselves down before. We’ve broken love pacts we’ve made with ourselves.
These are the promises we’ve made but not kept along the way:
I’m gonna write a book (that one’s mine.)
I’m gonna travel the world (I like that one, too.)
I’m going to get fit again.
I’m going to get myself out of debt so I can enjoy x or y or z.
I’m going to change my career.
I’m going to make art.
I’m going to volunteer to work with children, or animals, or the elderly.
There are others, I’m sure you can make your own list.
All those “I’m gonna’s” from yesteryear amount to a big old barrier of self-doubt that now must be surmounted anytime we want to fantasize about anything that even LOOKS like a dream.
Another reason we have unrequited dreams is because we are afraid we don’t really want what we think we want. We’re afraid of “picking wrong” cause, we don’t have all that many chances left now so every choice is so very important we better not mess this up and since we’re not sure what we really want anyway why don’t we just sit here with another chai latte and THINK about it some more?
So far, we know that:
We have unrequited dreams because we don’t trust ourselves.
We have unrequited dreams because we don’t know ourselves.
But there are two more big reasons standing between us and the Great Love Of Our Lives (um, our Big Fat Unrequited Dreams).
One reason we have unrequited dreams is that we’re afraid of screwing up. After all, we’re talking about our BIGGEST UNREQUITED DREAMS NOW and if we screw them up then it’s all over and we don’t even have the dream left cause WE SCREWED IT UP!
So, we don’t try, which, in essence, ENSURES we never get to live into our biggest dreams.
In other words, we have unrequited dreams because we don’t believe in ourselves.
To me, though, the saddest reason BY FAR that we don’t love ourselves enough to requite our dreams is that we somehow equate our happiness with selfishness. We either think we don’t deserve to live our biggest dreams or we believe that we win only at the expense of those we love.
In other words, not everyone can have their big dream, so you go ahead and take yours, love, and I’ll just sit over here (with my chai latte) and cheer you on.
We have unrequited dreams because we don’t think we deserve any better.
So, let’s bring all this together and see if we can’t find the holes in our logic and move past stagnation and into our dream instead:
Here are the four KEY “reasons” why we have Unrequited Dreams:
1. We have unrequited dreams because we don’t trust ourselves.
2. We have unrequited dreams because we don’t know ourselves.
3. We have unrequited dreams because we don’t believe in ourselves.
4. We have unrequited dreams because we don’t think we deserve any better.
What if I were to tell you that you could have the greatest love affair of all time – you could be completely in love with your one beautiful life, if you would just allow yourself the gift of yourself?
What if I were to tell you that it’s as simple being willing to try to trust again — To know ourselves and advocate just a tiny bit on our own behalf – to act as if we deserved more.
We don’t even have to believe any of these things to make a strong beginning. We just have to show up and try.
That is my greatest wish for you, love.
I want you to show up and try.
And what’s better, you don’t have to come all the way by yourself, I’m going to help.
I’m offering a FREE mini-course for women with Unrequited Dreams. It’s a three-part webinar series and it begins on April 14th.
I’m gonna share more info with you in just a sec but here is the MOST IMPORTANT PART:
SHOW UP EVEN IF YOU CAN’T SHOW UP.
In other words, don’t worry if the dates don’t work for Beautiful You. Sign up anyway. We’re recording everything and can share it with you for several days afterwards.
Okay, so here’s the scoop:
Click this link for all the details on the Free Mini-Course: Requiting Your Dreams, Because There’s No Time to Waste.
I can’t wait to see you there.
photo: flickr, neal