Thank You for Your Dearest Friendship

Sebi Covaci

Dearest One,

Today, I want to thank you.

Thank you for your friendship, for loving me through all the ins and outs and ups and downs.

Thank you for your devotion, through all the times, good and bad.

Thank you for your attention, when the words have flowed and when they have dried up and blown away.

Thank you for your sweet kindness, when I have been desolate, and when I have been easier to love.

Thank you for your own brave heart, resounding its goodness in the online conversation we have shared.

Thank you for your kindness to each other, so that we may build a community of safety and sweet promise.

It is all coming together because of Beautiful You.

All of the Everything is at hand this day because you have been there for Beautiful Me.

And, I thank you.

Love, Jen

photo: flickr, Sebi Covaci

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First, It Hurts

Jiri ZunaIs today the day?

Is this the moment?

Is this the chance you take to Let Go of what no longer serves you?

I’m sitting here in my coffee shop where I come to write for Beautiful You. The sky is darkening, and, with it, my mind shifts toward endings and then beginnings.

If you want a “new beginning” something has to got to go — something that is in the way. Something that used to work for you but no longer does. Something you may even still want and care for.

It’s just that, when you look at all the components of your life, that particular “something” is now standing between you and your Bigger Dream.

Let no one claim there is no risk, no excitement, no danger in this beautiful work of ours. Your Beautiful Dream will call you to higher and purer versions of yourself.

And that requires a whole lot of Letting Go.
And so there is loss in gain, and – this is the important part – the loss comes BEFORE the win.

Yep, cause you gotta make room for the Dream.

We mourn, and then we celebrate.
We surrender, and then we act.
We let go, and then we allow.

More of the same.

Love, Jen

photo: flickr, Jiri Zuna

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Righting (Writing) the Mothership

April Killingsworth

Thank god for work, beautiful beautiful WORK.

I don’t want to say, “Thank god that’s over,” cause it’s not. But, TRULY, thank god that’s over.

Okay, the situation still exists. There is still lots of anger and hatred in the world. But I no longer feel stuck in its sites.

I have an Action Plan, I know what I can do to help, and I’m gonna do it.

And, I have also seen things about myself and my “station” in this world that I never saw before.

It was painful as hell, but I have come to this New Understanding of things. And I am grateful to have had my vision clarified and then restored.

Also, thank God for the writing. It “rights the mother ship” when all else fails.

This time, the words didn’t stop. This time, I stayed in process. This time the words just flowed and flowed and flowed.

Most of them I shared with no one. But believe me, I was hitting that keyboard like oars on a lifeboat as I held on for dear life, while the ways of the world had their way with Beautiful Me.

It’s true that there is too much hatred and fear and pain in this world. But there is also, grace – love and generosity and joy and celebration. Most of the time, I try and put my attention there, and it is because of my station in this world that I even have the luxury to do so.

One of my Facebook friends talked about her anger at those of us who retreat to #spirtualwhiteprivilege when the going gets tough.


I don’t know.

I kinda sorta think that most good people are just trying to survive and make sense of this life. And, a lot of the time a lot of life makes no sense at all.

Besides, I have been rendered senseless before by the hatred of this world. And what good did that do anyone?

So, if you retreat a little into a safer cocoon during the siege of media warfare, so be it.

This time, there was no cocoon for me. This time, I was IN THAT STORM the whole time. I didn’t retreat, but I didn’t get the shit kicked out of me either.

So, sometimes one. Sometimes the other.

I’m sorry there is so much pain in the world. But, I can’t live in that awareness, either.

My job is to stay here. With Beautiful You. And try and bring hope to those warriors who have the strength for battle after battle after battle.

If that’s you, god bless you.

Every now and then, lay down your weapons and restore yourself. Right the mother ship.

Because life is beautiful as well.

Yes, it’s a privilege to know this.
Yes, it’s a privilege to live this.
Yes, I’m sorry that gift isn’t free to everyone who ever lived.

But I didn’t create that problem. And, I’ll do more to work toward a solution.

But for today, my work is here with you because THIS is where I can help.
And so it is.

Love, Jen
photo: flickr, April Killingsworth

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If I Knew How to Help, I Would

Emergency Brake

The world is hurting.

I’m American, I’m part of this world, and if I knew what to do next, I would.

All I know to do is to write, to open my heart and hope that hope opens and inspires the hearts of those who know how to fix this – to heal this.

Call it “privilege,” I’m okay with that. Not with the privilege part, I want everyone to be free and safe — but with the calling part, cause people are angry and blaming others is just a symptom of that.

This was not the adulthood I looked forward to as a child. All of my adult years have been a struggle.

You know my story, so I’m not going to repeat it here, but my own struggle has been placed against a backdrop of worldwide hatred, rage, and harm to others.

I’ve hated it.

I’ll confess – I’ve been angry, too. There were moments where I wanted to strike back. But that was long ago and those were younger years, years that had not known the long trajectory of war and violence that has NOT restored the world to safety or sanity.

The “bad guys” are still there; they’ve simply changed clothes.

This is not working, people.
What we are doing, how we are approaching this “problem” is not solving anything.

I want it to stop! But how?

I feel so powerless against the fomenting tide of rage and anger and hatred that is spewing from so many.

I want to be part of the solution – I really, really do. But what does that mean? Where am I to go today to make that happen?

I look all around me. I search for the solution, and I just don’t see anything that I can pick up, anywhere that I can go, anything I can do except come back to the page and write to Beautiful You and hope one of you knows a better action to take.

I am a mother. I hope I raised my children to look for peaceful solutions to difficult situations. I hope it was enough.

That’s it.

I just hope it was enough.
I hope all that all of the ALLS are doing is enough.

If I knew more or other, I would do it.
I swear I would.

Love, Jen

photo: flickr, Emergency Brake

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